somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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