New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
