either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
