Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
