Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
