How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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