we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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