Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
