i just google imaged poop.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
