my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
