I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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