I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
