I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
