we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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