I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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