he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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