I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
