I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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