I just cut my nipple shaving
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
