Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
