im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
