dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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