she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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