i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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