I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
