He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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