i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
