getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
