I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
