She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
