Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
