She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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