Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
