After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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