dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
