Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
