Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
