I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
