So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
