textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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