I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
