White coat. Heels.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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