He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
