You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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