Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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