That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
