I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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