tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
