Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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