So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
