unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
