i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
