So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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