dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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