i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
