I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
