apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
