I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
