I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
