just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
