You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
