i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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