You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's always time for handjobs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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