I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
